my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
and then he said he has been waiting since high school to touch my boobs
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
What should I wear?
Uhhhhh...idk? it's a gay bar
I found something that says "i'm here to party, but not fuck guys."
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
He is nice. Kind of short though. But didn't try to rub his jean cock on me.
Which I appreciated.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
it's not rock bottom until you fall down an escalator on the way home from a hookup and have to have you dad come pick your drunkass up at 3am. Adulthood.
Randomize