He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
sometimes you just gotta rip off the nipple tape and get it done.
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
Randomize
