Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
Let's just say there's a reason that "suede" rhymes with "laid".
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
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she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Sudden realization: I dumped him because he was too immature, yet I am the one who moved back into my parent's basement post-breakup.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
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I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
after that bj i gave him, i could fucking punch his mom and he wouldn't give a shit
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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