you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
I'm gonna have to flying elbow somebody tonight in memory of Macho Man
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
In the midst of you puking your guts out, you stopped, looked at the globe in front of you and whispered "America.."
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
and idk now I have nine bags of lettuce in my fridge
He said we were going to get fucked up in the woods so here we are
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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