Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
Any time you start making pro wrestling references before 10 PM I know that I'm breaking up a fight between you and some muscled up frat boy you call Hogan.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
All I'm saying is that she needs to invest in some razors. But her head game is great. The pros and cons in last minute hook-ups
I am significantly less than sober now. Gonna make like, ten hotdogs.
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
So I've decided that blue balls for lesbians is rainbow balls and the struggle is real
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
Randomize
