I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
After sex he cried I didn't know what to do so I patted him on the back and went to the kitchen to make waffles
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
