shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i just wanna skin you and wear you like last years versace.
you may have the big hair, fake nails, and talk with a fake accent, but you will NEVER be a housewife from new jersey so STOP TRYING.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
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