What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
I just ate a can of beans for dinner so I can afford to go get a 5$ bottle of wine. I really did not think these choices would still be necessary at age 25.
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Dude I bought a 300 dollar buffalo painting. I'm no longer allowed to take shrooms.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
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