You and I should start a club for people who woke up on outside on a bench with no idea how they got there.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Just walk through the Honors dorm on a Saturday night. You'll feel better about yourself.
I feel like a need a fire hose to wash off what I did last night
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
