some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
I'm two guys short from fucking the whole baseball team and one is gay. I will be successful by the end of this month.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
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