i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
Holy fuck, spaghetti burritos are the best idea I've ever had.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
I hate find pieces of condom wrappers on carpet. It's like god is throwing flakes of shame for me to vacuum up
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
He woke up in a dragon costume, covered in bong water. That was a party we will regret missing.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
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