Ok seriously, can we bring back badminton?
his dog just threw up on me too. its like im a throwup magnet to that family.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
Wow my largely unnecessary pool of lizard-related knowledge finally came in handy. Are you proud?
I don't know what to say
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
Well, I was giving him a handy and I sighed in boredom. He heard. I had to fake moaning sounds after he asked if I sighed.
Randomize
