You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I just saw the preacher from the church I grew up in while I was buying condoms at the drugstore... he remembered me.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
In other news, I woke up still drunk and I think I literally just broke the Guinness book of world records for most bloody Mary's in one day...
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
This couple is walking their pig around campus
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
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