my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
i've learned that i'm good at stealing things. like live cats.
After 12 shots he decided to show us knife tricks. You can figure out how it ended
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
i puked in a jesus candle last night and then denied it... i'd say it was a pretty alright night
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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