shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
You don't know reunion panic until you've exfoliated your butt cheeks.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
