how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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