Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Randomize