nut hugger
whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
PEOPLE ARE STILL EATING FAJITAS IN DROVES. BY THE CASELOAD. THERES A FORKLIFT OF SIZZLING MEATS.
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
We had sex on the tiger blanket while I was wearing my Ukrainian shirt and my ass touched the Ukrainian flag. Happy 25th Ukraine!
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