does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
dude she's married.
so? a ring don't cover no holes.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
After watching Cinemax for a few months, real porn just grosses me out.
Princesses don't give blow jobs
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
I had to throw up. it was the only way to avoid kissing her after she swallowed..
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
next time im at a party and go to fist bump the dude who took my virginity two years ago PLEASE STOP ME
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Just because I also want a blowjob doesn't mean I don't want to just see you too.
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