I might get fired at work today. I had to prioritize. It's not my fault Cockasaurus came over.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
I think thats the most anyones ever pregamed for rollerskating
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Who'd have thought a guy with a lisp would be so good with his tongue?
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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