The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
the trail of clothing leading from the bed to the door was in the exact order i needed to put them on. underwear near the bed shoes by the door.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
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