The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Are we still banned from the library?
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
Randomize
