Kareoke will never be a sober sport
yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Just saw a drunk guy marching down the strip with a garden rake. I feel compelled to follw him
his receeding hairline makes running into him so much less awkward. almost enjoyable actualy
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
The acoustics in my bra are fantastic.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
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