we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
K, im just throwing this out there, i am not making out with any of his friends... Especially the cross eyed one.
God. I'm so broke I don't even have a dollar to snort my adderall through.
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Never joke about your clitoris.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
