I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I'm babysitting and we're watching Barney and I don't understand why Barney can magically make band hats appear but he makes them make shitty ass instruments.
Barney's a jerk
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
I just watched a blind kid buy from one of the vending machines on campus...guess there's nothing like a good surprise?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
I'm taking stock of m life as of right now and my Friday night plans are to drink a 30 rack by myself so I can have a tv stand when it is finished
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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