Your dad touched me again.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
blew off easter dinner with the fam to go play shot roulette. woke up in nothing but my boxers in the back of a random pickup truck.
That was the night, like, my hair caught on fire...
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
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