filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
the protein jug says add 2 scoops to your favorite beverage. guess who just found a way to make sam adams healthy? THIS GUY
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
I miss you, too. It's hard to sleep without anything licking my head.
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
