You really coming over, don't trick.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
He offered to take me out to a nice dinner but I told him I would rather he just pay for my beer this weekend
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
there are some nice people on this island. free ride free pancakes and they even prayed for us when they dropped us off
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
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