he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
She wants to have a threesome with Taylor Swift. I think this is the kind of love my grandparents spoke of.
Randomize
