drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
im starting to recognize places in this city by where i have drunkenly peed in public
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
Came home from this girls horse at 6am to find a guy lighting off roman candles in front of my door. Best walk of fame I've ever had.
Let's get the cat blown out
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
Randomize
