Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Randomize
