Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
why are there 3 differently sized panties on our kitchen counter?
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Randomize
