He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
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