I feel like I've been hit by a train. I woke up this morning covered in wine, free condoms, and a sign language dictionary.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
I'm a fuck boy trapped in a single mom's body.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
