When you told me you were coming to my show, I didn't know you were bringing Satan and Brokeback Mountain with you.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
The cab driver had me sign for the payment and I was like give me a second while I throw up right outside your door.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
i can't believe he threw up on you. Well thats what you get for being DD. I used the sombreros as a shield!
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
Randomize
