OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
Reindeer Drinking Games will soon commence. Get over here while we're still sober enough to answer the door.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
Your ex roommate is making out w the kid who pees on floors and it's kinda funny
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
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