shes got a 6th sense for me cheating...the the hailey joel osmound of me getting bjs
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
Everyone was trying to get you to do a keg stand but you refused & instead declared you could do it yourself, crouched on the keg in your 6 inch heels, leaned over, and gave yourself one.
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
If he can't cook well I'm just gonna buy a RealDoll and twenty cats and live my own fucking life
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
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