Cold hands, warm shart.
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
well i just set every background of each phone in the verizon store to my face
I cant prove it..but im almost positive that you were just outside my window watching me while eating out of a bag of Cheetos...
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
Not as awesome as someone telling you that you have the biggest tits they've ever seen. And they're like 30-something, so they've seen a decent amount of tits in their lifetime.
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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