My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
Stripper fight on main stage. It just happened. And it was glorious.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
well it can jab him in the chin so I am 100% sure he can suck his own dick
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
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