A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
im watching my roommate bang this girl. she doesn't look like she's any good, because he has a bored look on his face...
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
You took a bar mat shot.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear room mates I tried to shotgun pam in the kitchen. It is slippery. Please be careful. That is all. Love you.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
Well I'm drunk and covered in baby oil so tonights not ideal
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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