I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
um i just went through the in-n-out drive thru and meant to ask for my cheeseburger animal style. turns out what i actually said was, can i get that cheeseburger doggy style? been a rough weekend.
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
I don't even care that his girlfriend will be there. Us hooking up is a tradition and she will NOT ruin it.
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
Randomize
