you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
Just got Netflix. Dexter Marathon. Still in my PJ's. Only eaten cookie dough and drinking a 40. I have never reeked so strongly of lonely .
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im eating these cheese filled pretzels. So good. Theres jizz dripping out places i didnt even know i had.
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
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