you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
He said his parents were apparently coming over to surprise him with breakfast and I’ve never gotten dressed and run out of the door that quickly. I have commitment issues.
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Randomize
