hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Let's get the cat blown out
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
