we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
Went to use to bathroom and walked in on karaoke. Two girls singing "a whole new world" to each other in the shower. I'm gonna miss this place in the summer
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I'm drunk. And I'm alone. Eating chicken fingers in my underwear. I'd say life is grand.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
I'll text you tomorrow when I'm not in someone's torture cave if I don't by noon call for help.
Randomize
