I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
stuck in the elevator with that hot guy from the 3rd flood. Worried he can smell my spray tan and desperation
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
