dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
Sarah Palin just quit. Happy Independence day!
God Bless America!
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
Is it illegal to masterbate in an airport?
It's spring break, I'm sure it's ok.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
Don't worry we did the "promise to get an abortion" handshake
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
It baffles me why I still wear white underwear...
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
Randomize
