jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
So I think I just got a job offer from the guy I used to blow. See, networking pays off.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I don't know if I should feel proud or ashamed of myself...ashamed for making myself a drink at 6:15am or proud for actually being awake that early.
Going to the ER, I'll explain later but apparently drunk me isn't allergic to peanut butter.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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