is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
the kid next to me in training is drinking sangria. its 9am here in case you couldnt calculate. its going to be a good year.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
