And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
She sucked my dick and I swear I almost had to send a search party into her mouth to find it. IT WAS THAT AMAZING.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
when i woke up w mysterious sticky crap in my hair, i assumed i had another blackout hookup. nope. turns out i made PBJ and proceeded to pass out in it. i ate the evidence when i woke up.
Randomize
