WORST DINGLEBERRY EVER
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
When Dad gets to your house, ask him about the sound of anal beads. Happy Thanksgiving!
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
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