How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
thanks for the bloody nose. you probably dont remember, i'm not mad.. only because your boobs are to blame
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
You kept yelling "NO CAPES" at me for no apparent reason
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
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