I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
That man gives me hope. I can't help it. And by "hope" I mean "wood."
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
She slapped me in the face with a McDouble. Just threw it right at my face while I was driving... That is why we can't bring her out in public.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
I bought emergency contraception until I / we decide how to handle that. And target gave me a gift receipt for it. Awkward.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
