Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Home safe. Took me everything not to stop and pick up some random cat that looked like an ocelot tho.
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
someone snapchatted me a porn of two guys dressed up as pterodactyls double teaming a girl
He and I tag each other in memes all day. You could say it's getting pretty serious.
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
Randomize
