She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
My phone has seen less use in the last three days than Tom Brady's condoms.
Honestly, it was easier to just put it in my mouth than to deal with an awkward conversation.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize