i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
i asked a few people if they wanted to make pancakes with me but no one would. thats why i'm drunk by myself right now
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
You just kept saying "they don't make cigarettes for squirrels. Yet."
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
I can’t tell if I have feelings for him or if my vagina does.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
