im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
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