Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
matts gf stood and watched my naked ass gather my clothes off his floor this morning. sweet.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
she's in the bathroom throwing up right now...what is the hookup protocol after she is done? what all can I do with her?
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
You dont lie about slip and slides
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
He sent me a selfie with his cat. He has found a way to my heart. And pants.
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
I feel like I shouldn't be left around 30 year olds when I'm drunk
whenever dudes said you had nice tits you'd scream at them "This double push-up bra is full of deceit and lies!"
Randomize
