Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
Starting the weekend with a pair of pants on which the zipper wont stay up. Is this a sign of things to come??
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
