i was born a porn star she said
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
Im about to have a threesome, Ill pay you twenty bucks to go clean my room. Just throw it all in the closet.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
She just asked me if I was going to stay the night. I responded "I know that we are upside down".
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
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