Need sex. Gaining weight.
Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I bet her clit looks like pig in a blanket.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
