we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Her dad high fived me on the way out the door. Not the reaction i expected after she came so loud.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I finished masturbating now I'm eating french toast crunch. What is life, and what are friends.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
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