just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you won't ask to borrow his earbuds because you think it's gross, but you'll have sex with him?
why are there beer bottles in my dishwasher?
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
The theme is smores and alcohol. Dress appropriately.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I wouldn't call that a crush. It was more of a minor brain aneurism.
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
Anne is dead. totally passed out and was flat out in the street
Randomize
