We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
Can't a white girl just get drunk on a Sunday night and eat rice crispy treats. SHIT
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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