dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
My first love was gay too, it's okay.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
You told me not to tell you found out you're pregnant..
Randomize
