Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
oh my god I have a fantastic druncle story to tell you. It involves a burrito, a meltdown and a bear
The burrito and meltdown are standard, but I'm intrigued by the bear
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Randomize
