he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
I couldn't drink enough to fuck the friend, you said challenge accepted and stole some chicks shot.
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I feel like we have a good system here turning our sketchy decisions into great stories.
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
