Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
idk wtf was in that bud but I was talking to my dead dog last night bro holy shit
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
One three hour marathon fuck session and now she's divorcing her husband. Should I get business cards made?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
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