imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
I'm sitting in my bathroom sink, eating a tuna sandwich. He had better weed than I expected.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I'm gonna play this game called Conquer the Dicks. I think it is self explanatory.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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