Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
Randomize
