you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
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i was holding a cup in her face for her to throw up in while screaming THIS IS THE DEFINITION OF FRIENDSHIP
What can I say, I bounce back quick. Never thought the line "my turtle died" would get me so many free drinks last night
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
I just explained it as we hate everyone in the world more then we hate each other. Thus making us friends. Plus we drink...a lot
I think drinking is the foundation of our friendship
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
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Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
99% of the contents of my handbag are ketchup packets and condoms. I feel that says a lot about me as a person.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
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