The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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