I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
If I have to go to the hospital can we stop by the liquor store on the way?
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
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