Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
He was trying to talk to me about standards while he had a french fry box on his hand like a glove and was using it to flatten his cheeseburger.
maybe one of us should just pity fuck him and get it over with.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
