toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
Her life is filled with shit luck. Its like mother nature is having her period and just taking it out on her specifically.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
I just saw a guy in a hazmat suit riding a tractor.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
Randomize
